Wednesday, October 17, 2012

It's Fall! ... Autumn? ...

The leaves are changing, seedy temporary-Halloween stores are popping up, temperatures are dropping (sorry, Southern Hemisphere friends), pumpkins are finding their way into every species of sweet on the planet, and the Christmas decorations are showing up in stores (I'm not touching that one). It must be Fall! Or Autumn, if you're the kind of person who calls the color "violet" and pronounces the first "r" in "February."

"I drive a Prius, too."

Fall is one of my favorite times of year, as it contains both Halloween and Thanksgiving, and heralds the imminent arrival of Christmas soon after its passing. What's not to love?

Quite a bit, it seems. For every fan of something, there needs be a hater; even peaceful Fall is targeted. (And it's the Switzerland of seasons!) We're going to do our best to rebuke the naysayers of these wonderful few months! Who will join me?!


-"Fall is too cold. You can't do anything fun outside."

If you're more than a year old, you must be quite aware that Winter is, in fact, much colder. It's all about relativity. Heck, 110 degrees in the summer is cold, if you're from Venus. Enjoy what little free heat the sun's giving you now. It won't last.

Also, Google "hoodie." 

-"All the trees are dead or dying. It's depressing."

When humans die naturally, we take it nice and slow. We don't get much prettier. In fact, it's a wonderful compliment to be told that you're "aging gracefully." People spend billions of dollars a year trying to look younger, but eventually to no avail.

What do leaves do when they die? They make it nice and quick, so you don't have to rake the yard but a few times.They spend their last days changing the color of their entire being, and you get to enjoy the free show. Yeah, they may be dying, but they're being considerate while doing it. What will you be doing when you're in their position? Probably yelling at the darned Henderson kids to get off your lawn.

Pine needles don't get in on this aging and changing stuff, though. They're like the Dolly Parton of greenery.

1980? 2012? 2023?

-"I don't like the taste of pumpkin, and it's getting into everything."

Well, I'm sure glad the pioneers never had to put up with that! All their food tasted like leather and dirt. No pumpkin there! Lucky folk.

I don't like sour cream, so I guess I can relate to these people when I go to a Mexican restaurant. Still, it's only for a month. Let us have this.

-"Halloween is stupid. You're forced to give candy to kids that made their parents spend way too much on a shoddy costume. Plus, you're surrounded by a bunch of idiot adults that still dress up!"

I think there was a House episode about this... Some father and daughter posse couldn't feel happiness because of a genetic disorder... I'd look into that.

Costumes are fun. Everyone knows it, but because of all these pesky "social rules" we insist on keeping around, it's not considered appropriate to show up at the office dressed as the Green Lantern in March (unless you work at one of those offices). We get one shot each year to convince everyone that we can actually pull off a purple tailcoat, so don't ruin this for us. Just buy the cheap candy and wait it out.

Until then, you can go chill with this guy:

"So... many... feelings..."

To all my fellow Fall-appreciators, let us roll in the leaves! Let us enjoy every pumpkin empanada and shake we can get our mitts on! Buy that cheap plastic mask and practice your raspy Batman voice!

It wouldn't hurt to TP the houses of the people we were just talking about, too. Just sayin'.