Okay, we're back.
Essentially being away from the Internet for two years tends to make you fall behind on Web culture. (As well as any news concerning Lady Gaga. That wasn't so bad.) That being so, if I seem redundant in my interweb musings, let it slide. I still find myself reminiscing about the good old days of stupidvideos.com and the Hamster Dance. ("Look! They're spinning!")
The new/old meme I'm digging right now is what's called "first world problems." What's a first world problem, you ask? Examples:
Third world problem: My dictator has taken the tools that are necessary for my family's survival. Now I need to trek into the rainforest to find materials to craft new tools.
First world problem: My cell phone battery died, and now I won't know if anyone commented on my funny cat video until I get home.
Third world problem: The water supply outside the village has dried up, and the nearest well is five miles away.
First world problem: I can't hear the TV because my snacks are too crunchy.
Third world problem: It hasn't rained for a week. If my children want to have fruit this year, we're going to need some moisture soon.
First world problem: I want grapes, but they're all at the bottom of the crisper drawer.
Y'all get the idea. I've found these little tidbits to be immensely amusing, which is strange, as they sometimes make me feel like an awful human being.
For behold: a few days ago, I was waltzing through Smith's with my posse of late-night shoppers. We walked past the canned peaches, and they spoke to me: "take us home... take us home..." (*Note* Canned goods do not actually speak to Mr. Ferguson). I'm a big fan of peaches, but not a big fan of the heavy syrup that they're often stored in. That being so, I looked for the kind that's in it's own juice, but to no avail. I found myself complaining out loud about how "they should have those!" They didn't carry them, and I was going to have to be content with the light syrup variety. A great injustice was being done.
That's about the time that I noticed that the man next to me was a shelf-stocker, working late at night, probably for minimum wage, and most likely had a family to support. That was the cue of the "reality mirror" to show up: you know, the kind that you look in and realize that you're a horrible person for complaining about what kind of syrup these affordable, healthy, and virtually limitless peaches are packed in. I'd just experienced a first world problem.
It opened my eyes for a short bit, there in Smith's. Almost any kind of food imaginable, screened so you won't barf up your spleen when you eat it, and at an affordable price (*Note* Mr. Ferguson does not receive any compensation from Smith's Food & Drug for his comments). The whole place is lit up and heated with a reliable power supply, and I don't have to worry about being stabbed in the parking lot (this isn't Ogden, after all).
(*Note* Mr. Ferguson harbors no hard feelings against the fine city of Ogden. Please do not send him anthrax in the mail.)
I really don't have much to complain about when it comes to comfort: we have it pretty sweet here in the US of A. That doesn't mean that life is easy for us living in the "first world": everyone has real stress and real problems, and they may not apply to "third world situations," but that doesn't make them any less tough. Life is supposed to be a challenge. But when one of your pillows is too soft, and the other is too firm, so you have to combine them to get a decent mega-pillow... Just smile knowing that you're not likely to be attacked by disease carrying mosquitoes while you sleep. Unless you're in Ogden.
Light syrup peaches are still wonderful, by the way.
-Mark
The new/old meme I'm digging right now is what's called "first world problems." What's a first world problem, you ask? Examples:
Third world problem: My dictator has taken the tools that are necessary for my family's survival. Now I need to trek into the rainforest to find materials to craft new tools.
First world problem: My cell phone battery died, and now I won't know if anyone commented on my funny cat video until I get home.
Third world problem: The water supply outside the village has dried up, and the nearest well is five miles away.
First world problem: I can't hear the TV because my snacks are too crunchy.
Third world problem: It hasn't rained for a week. If my children want to have fruit this year, we're going to need some moisture soon.
First world problem: I want grapes, but they're all at the bottom of the crisper drawer.
You poor, poor thing...
Y'all get the idea. I've found these little tidbits to be immensely amusing, which is strange, as they sometimes make me feel like an awful human being.
For behold: a few days ago, I was waltzing through Smith's with my posse of late-night shoppers. We walked past the canned peaches, and they spoke to me: "take us home... take us home..." (*Note* Canned goods do not actually speak to Mr. Ferguson). I'm a big fan of peaches, but not a big fan of the heavy syrup that they're often stored in. That being so, I looked for the kind that's in it's own juice, but to no avail. I found myself complaining out loud about how "they should have those!" They didn't carry them, and I was going to have to be content with the light syrup variety. A great injustice was being done.
That's about the time that I noticed that the man next to me was a shelf-stocker, working late at night, probably for minimum wage, and most likely had a family to support. That was the cue of the "reality mirror" to show up: you know, the kind that you look in and realize that you're a horrible person for complaining about what kind of syrup these affordable, healthy, and virtually limitless peaches are packed in. I'd just experienced a first world problem.
Aww, maaaaan...
It opened my eyes for a short bit, there in Smith's. Almost any kind of food imaginable, screened so you won't barf up your spleen when you eat it, and at an affordable price (*Note* Mr. Ferguson does not receive any compensation from Smith's Food & Drug for his comments). The whole place is lit up and heated with a reliable power supply, and I don't have to worry about being stabbed in the parking lot (this isn't Ogden, after all).
(*Note* Mr. Ferguson harbors no hard feelings against the fine city of Ogden. Please do not send him anthrax in the mail.)
I really don't have much to complain about when it comes to comfort: we have it pretty sweet here in the US of A. That doesn't mean that life is easy for us living in the "first world": everyone has real stress and real problems, and they may not apply to "third world situations," but that doesn't make them any less tough. Life is supposed to be a challenge. But when one of your pillows is too soft, and the other is too firm, so you have to combine them to get a decent mega-pillow... Just smile knowing that you're not likely to be attacked by disease carrying mosquitoes while you sleep. Unless you're in Ogden.
Light syrup peaches are still wonderful, by the way.
-Mark
